I hope I’ll never forget the way it felt on the day I walked into the buildout and it was finished enough to look like a real studio. I just couldn’t stop crying. It was immensely beautiful. It looked EXACTLY like the drawings and I had imagined it in my head a billion times but everywhere I looked all I could see, all I could feel, were the people who had stood beside me and offered their help and love in various ways over the very difficult past few years. It was the culmination of so much and still just the beginning.

making dinner for my kid, a rarity in the past few years… taking a break from my almost constant obsession with kd’s om namah shivaya and letting neil young’s helpless bring all the feels.

it’s making me think about my life 10+ years ago. when i was with her dad i was lucky enough to be able to stay home with her while she was young… and long enough to find out it wasn’t the life for me.

it’s time…

that’s what my soul sister said to me in response to my sharing my gratitude, my relief in having a teacher again.

it’s been over 5 years since i lost mine. 5 years of being busy, growing on my own, learning lots. but also feeling untethered. a little aimless. wondering if i’d ever find a teacher i resonated with again.

last night teaching class i started to feel that energy of groundlessness. sometimes i wish i could be more unshakable. that things like the energy of the room or the full moon coming didnt affect me like that. i walk the talk though—in ytt i always say that you bring your shit with you, every class you teach…i am not an exception…

That space before manifested reality…..

tonight, with gratitude, i let go of situations, feelings, and expectations that i have no space for any longer. riding on the backs of my students’ releasing from our new year’s/full moon celebration, i close out my year by burning the remnants of their water ritual with so much gratitude and love for them, their experiences, and the things that brought them to my studio.

welcoming change in 2021….as this year begins it’s end, i find myself in the same place i was in december 2019. on the precipice of change. like so many others, this year has brought tremendous personal growth—no longer peeking into the crevices of my mind but a full frontal of what’s been stored in my subconscious.

part of me, the dramatic part, wants to say that i feel like i’m in the biggest challenge of my life, really stretching the limits of self worth, of perseverance, of alignment. but i know it’s just life, like everyone else’s, a series of peaks and valleys. in the moment they all feel like everest.

Rūpaṃ dehi jayaṃ dehi yaśo dehi dviṣo jahi

To you who defeated the negative qualities (demons) of “Too Little” and “Too Much”, Giver of the blessings of the creativity, I bow to you.

*********************

stumbled onto my new favorite song yesterday. it has a sweet little treat at the end for those who were alive in the 80s.